Another boring Sunday… why am I even working today? Oh yeah… I know. It’s because my life is so ‘nothing’ that working is like: my best option.
Looking back at my life, I’ve been nothing but a loser. I always thought I had it all but life just won’t work out that way. I married a decent woman who would’ve been a good wife and mother, I had a good carrier as a doctor (only that I’m always busy), and my life was basically complete. But that was a month ago.
Now, I am divorced after 2 years of (a not so happy) marriage. I’m still a good doctor but, it just felt so empty… and lately, I’ve been thinking of him a lot. I guess he’s just one of the reasons why my marriage is a mess. They say once you do bad things, it’s not easy to get away with it. I was gay. And I hardly satisfied being with my wife that I kept having gay affairs with some colleagues that when the upper people finds out, they are transferring me to kkk. But, the only person I really wanted is Hasui-kun. I wonder what that guy is doing right now. He must be all grown up by now and even more beautiful, I think. I miss him… and what’s hurting me more is that I still love him and I’ve hurt him…
***
God, it’s raining heavily. I sat in my car. Here I am outside of kkk hospital. I’m supposed to report duty today… Gosh…
Here I am now, all drench as I entered the hospital. Can’t blame the people around me that they got all their eyes on me now. They won’t even know that I’m a doctor looking like this. Such a mess but hell should I care…
After all set and done, it’s time to go. The rain had stopped now. Wait. This scent… it smells familiar… I turn around and saw someone I had not met for years… my heart had been nearly ripped apart… “Hasui-kun?” I called him.
He didn’t seem to notice me at all at first but stumble at my voice calling out to him. For a moment there, we just stood looking at each other in silence. It’s like the time had stopped moving in all those seconds. That pretty eyes of him, they’re even more beautiful now…
Time started moving again when he smiles at me, displaying the older youth of him. “Ah… Makoto-san. It’s been a while.” That’s all he said. He’s acting all professional as if seeing an old friend instead of an ex-lover.
“Hasui-kun… What are you doing here?” I asked.
He looks so calm. He just smile and said naturally, “I’m waiting for someone. He had a fever. He’s in for a check-up now. How are you doing Makoto-san?” He asked, being polite. I sense that he’s not really comfortable with me around. What is he afraid of?
“I’m just fine. I’m going to start working here. Are you living here now?” I asked, being curious about him and all. Gosh! That green eyes of his… so beautiful. I remember the first time I gaze at it a long time ago…
“No. I study here.” He answered calmly. His voice, all grown-up… just like music to my ears.
“So, I will be seeing you more often from now on, huh?” I said, trying to see how he’d react to this.
He only smiles calmly and say; “I guess so…”
“Nakatsu!” Someone called him from my back.
“Yuki…” Hasui answers him and took a glance at me while saying quickly, “I gotta go now. See you later.”
“See you…” I said. No. The way Hasui is looking at him, the boy who called him. What his name? Yuki? It’s just the way he used to look at me back then when we were lovers and that kid called him by his first name… This feelings… This pain in my heart… I’m so hurt… I can’t let it… He belongs to someone else now… I can’t take it.
***
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